Agreed about the drabbles. I hadn't written many before January, and I think playing with them has already made me less wordy in my chapter fics.
I think what you chose to describe does further the action in a subtle way. It tells us that time has passed since we checked in last, but Steve's still on a ventilator. Picking the details that add power but also further is a knack - some days I feel like it comes to me with little effort, others I really have to make a conscious effort.
Danny's aching neck and knee make us feel him in the room rather than simply seeing him there, but they also reveal character. This is a guy who's sitting right by that bed no matter what.
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Date: 2013-02-19 09:48 pm (UTC)I think what you chose to describe does further the action in a subtle way. It tells us that time has passed since we checked in last, but Steve's still on a ventilator. Picking the details that add power but also further is a knack - some days I feel like it comes to me with little effort, others I really have to make a conscious effort.
Danny's aching neck and knee make us feel him in the room rather than simply seeing him there, but they also reveal character. This is a guy who's sitting right by that bed no matter what.
And oh, poor dead bunnies! In a pile.